not being productive or relaxing but a secret third thing
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I have always had a hard time making friends and maintaining friendships with people. I am a gay male that has recently learned I am adhd and possibly autistic as well, but my whole life I have had difficulty in firmly establishing friendships without people flirting and wanting to make something more out of a relationship I am totally fine with staying as friends. I have had numerous female friends before I came out make advances on me and have been taken advantage of by both women and men because I have a hard time setting boundaries while maintaining what I believe to be a friendship. While trying to make friends in college my cast of a show I was in behind my back orchestrated me and this one girl I was friends with I didn’t know was crushing on me to sit together on a loveseat at a party together and then she started to aggressively make out with me while all of the cast came in to watch. And then attempting to make friends in the gay community years later, I was intoxicated and just needed a place to crash and a guy I had just met offered me to crash in his bed. I at first was consenting to what turned into a sexual moment but when I was too exhausted to contribute and asked if we could just sleep the guy continued to fuck me and I remember going numb and wished for the moment to be over so that I could finally sleep but also get out as quickly as I could. Since those moments I’ve been a bit more diligent in making sure I don’t end up in situations like that again but it’s caused so much stress and anxiety just interacting with gay people. I started a new job and went out for food and drinks with a coworker I was hoping to make friends with and halfway through our dinner they ask me if we were on a date… I have friends that constantly send only fans and Instagrams of men they are ogling at and making jokes about jacking off to this and that person and another friend accosting a man walking down the street the other day. Going out to gay spaces I’ve been physically harassed and followed by men who don’t know when to stop interacting with me. Even just the flirty look up and down I get occasionally while out at what should be a safe space for queer people feels so degrading and weird and makes me want to leave more than interact with the people giving me eyes and looking at me as meat instead of as a person. Idk what to do about any of this but needed to get these thoughts out. It’s been an issue for a long time and speaking with my partner this morning about it all felt nice having someone finally reciprocate these thoughts and emotions I’m feeling but it was difficult getting across because they thought this was more of a discussion on me telling him to police our friends and his behavior more so than just verbalizing this is a larger community problem I’ve had and that this is all valid and nothing to do with my body image or anything like that. Just wanting to be respected as a person and wishing I could interact in a space without feeling preyed upon all the time.
I have no clue what I’m doing with my life. Not that anyone does, but I put in my resignation for work today and I’m feeling so invigorated. I finally reached out to a Dr I was referred to last week, and technically almost a year ago for the same issue, and also paid a parking ticket, and feeling really motivated and productive rn. An ADHD miracle getting through anything lately and tbh I’m gonna attribute those small things to a larger weight I’m feeling come off me. There’s still a lot of work ahead in my job and I’m looking to make sure I don’t leave them in a bad scenario, but end of October I am both turning 30 and ending this awful job experience. Onward to new and exciting stuff, whatever the fuck that might be
Nothing like your employer sending you a gift from a flower company to show their condolences for me losing my grandpa that turns out to not be a flower arrangement but a bunch of balloons that say “Happy Birthday” while you’ve been seriously thinking about quitting your job to truly help you know it might be time to leave this job…
My grandpa passed this morning. Kinda feeling like family is way more important than my job rn and may quit this week. Wanna be able to help in anyway needed
I learned today that the previous posts w the anon that harassed me caused a friend I was supposed to see for brunch that day to think I was blaming them for the shitty time I was having. I had completely forgotten about the day if I’m honest. I definitely don’t blame them for any part of the mood I was in that day, but will further say that it was my fault for ending up at the wrong space and I was mad at myself among other things that day. I would have loved to have seen them and enjoyed their company that day. I hope we can enjoy company soon if you’re reading. I ain’t got time or the mental capacity to hold beef w anyone
Anonymous asked:
Women got their rights taken away and you’re complaining about going to the wrong brunch place. Read the room.
etcrump answered:
Lol life is more complicated than one single issue… let’s use our anger at the situation at hand to protest, donate, volunteer, generally advocate for abortion rights instead of picking on someone having a rough day much more complex than a brunch but that’s all I chose to share. Read the fucking room
Like literally, tf does this do other than make someone feel even worse about themselves. Do better
I additionally would like to point out that for how problematic you tried to make me appear, it’s really telling how you think women are the sole peoples affected by this SCOTUS ruling. Any persons with a uterus should have legal access to an abortion no matter what purpose but especially in times of medical crisis. Please do fucking better.
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